Ever notice how it's the little things in life that amuse us so much? More to the point, ever notice how it's the silly little idiocies in life that amuse us more than anything else? Well, this is not as much ''the little blog that could'' as it is ''the blog that enjoys going up the down escalator in your local mall.'' Will it have anything of real importance? No, probably not. But enjoy the ride never the less!

 
Snobgoblins

Today I dined like royalty...if royalty ever dined in a Williams coffee pub. Daring to try new things, I sampled a bottle of "Pirate Root Beer". Some of you are perhaps thinking I've seen Johnny Depp as Captain Jack "But where's the rum?" Sparrow one too many times, but I beg to disagree. For you see, between the words "pirate" and "root" was the crucial advertizing ploy, namely the word "gourmet".

So today, I drank gourmet root beer. This has given my already bloated ego an added surge of superiority. I feel elitist. I feel snobbish. I feel like a member of Stephen Leacock's idle rich.

I suddenly have this urge to walk around with a Pekinese dog named Precious, whose haircut resembles what you'd get if you took a six year-old, blindfolded him and spun him around a dozen times, and then let him have a go at the pooch with a weed-whacker. I suddenly have this urge to play croquet and make remarks like, "A well-played move, Muffy! Now let's summon Bruce with our Perrier and imported Scottish scones." I suddenly have thus urge to dress like I'm going to a polo match and walk around in the middle of the mall, smacking random people in the butt with my rider's crop as I shout, "Good show, old man!" I have this sudden urge to create an enormous library full of impressive-sounding books that I have no intention of ever reading. I have this sudden urge to capriciously shun fashion trends simply because the designer isn't an European whose name I can't pronounce.

I suddenly have this urge to not eat anything unless it's "gourmet". Gourmet coffee. Gourmet mashed potatoes. Gourmet beef. Gourmet Frosted Lucky Lucky Charms cereal! Gourmet gummy worms! Gourmet gnu pâté!


[We interrupt this little bit of nowhere, as we appear to be experiencing technical difficulties with the Ego. The humble Conscience would like to apologise to everyone reading this, and would also like to reassure you all that the Ego should be subdued in time for the next post, once the tazers are primed.]


Today's Lesson: sometimes absolute nonsense, in some twisted "has the world gone completely mad?!" fashion, makes sense.


posted by Phillip at 6:58 PM